5 Things I've Learned Since Becoming a Mom.

I've learned a countless amount of things since becoming a mom, 

this post isn't about how many scoops of formula with how much milk, or what to feed or not feed children, it's about what I've learned about MYSELF since becoming a mother.

1.

I am beautiful, exactly the way I am. 

(Talking physical, not inner beauty, that's a whole other story!)

Growing up, I thought others defined my beauty, if everyone told me that I was ugly, I must've be ugly. If I was told I looked pretty, I would specifically try whatever I did different (hair style, makeup, outfit) more often in hopes to be "beautiful" more often. It was sad really, especially with boys, I thought my beauty was defined by how many boys had crushes on mebut in reality, that had nothing to do with my beauty, and no one else's words, defined my beauty. Once I had the twins, my self confidence lowered even more. I had stretch marks all over, my flat tummy was a wrinkly blob, my breasts that use to be plump and full, now were more like half empty water balloons, (after breast feeding that is.) I felt disgusting, I wouldn't trade my boys to have my "beauty" back, but I really did not feel beautiful at all. Then I got pregnant with Tristan, and as awful as my pregnancy was, (throwing up all the time, and so much more!) I found it so beautiful to be pregnant, and my twins would even call me beautiful when I was in my biggest form, ready to POP! I had my days though, like everyone, where I just felt huge and gross and wondered why I do this to myself! Then I had Tristan, and my self confidence lowered again, even more wrinkle lines on my stomach, and I didn't bounce back as easy as I had with the boys. I felt so grossed out with myself, so I decided to change it, I worked out like crazy, went on a strict diet, took all the vitamins and such as I possibly could! (healthy ones of course.) I finally got to my goal weight, and realized that it didn't help, I still felt gross. Then one day when I was sick, greasy hair, baggy eyes, gross clothes, just all around SICK, the boys woke up and walked into my room, and instantly looked at me in awe and said, "Wow, you look beautiful mommy!" What?! Gross! Then a few weeks after that, I was in my bathing suit and my son Aiden looked at my stretch marks and said, "Baby Tristan use to be in there mommy!" I looked down and thought, yeah, he was, and I look over to see that 'baby' crawling around, laughing and babbling. Those marks, what I saw as flaws, are the only thing (besides pictures of course) I have as a physical reminder, that I have of my pregnancy with my beautiful baby boys! Then it hit me, I AM beautiful, flaws and all.  If my kids, who we all know how honest kids are, and so pure, call me beautiful at my worst, I've gotta be right? Then I started looking inside, and realized you know what, I AM beautiful, flaws and all, I AM BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY I AM.

   

2.

It's okay to be a kid!

What do kids love doing? 

Playing. Goofing off. Coloring. Laughing. Swinging.

So because we're parents are we supposed to NOT do those things?

I see so many parents that try so hard to "look" like a grown up because they're a parent, that don't see that they're missing out on the BEST part of being a parent. BEING A KID AGAIN. 

When I first had them, I thought I was going to have to be an "adult" all the time, and in a sense, I am, but then again, I am such a kid! I roll down hills in the grass with my kids, I color, I make goofy faces, I tickle, wrestle, laugh, I get a deep voice and pretend i'm Optimus prime, leader of the auto bots! And you know what, people on the outside might think I am an "immature mom" but you know what? When my kids grow up, they're going to know how fun I was, how loving, how silly, how much fun they had with me on the days I left the dishes in the sink, put a blanket over me and pretended to be a monster chasing them around and playing. I'm okay with being a kid with my kids, because when it's needed, I'm as adult as any, but when it matters, i'm also a kid.

3.

I'm doing a good job. 

It's only natural to doubt yourself, we all do it, and i've found with being a mom, I doubt myself daily. Was I too rough on them today? Should I have been a little more laid back? Do they know that I love them? Did I play enough with them today? Have I made them happy today the way they have made me happy? The answer is YES! Everyday, yes! 

Every night, I go to tuck my kids in, they smother me with love and kisses, and it answers all of my questions simply, YES! Everybody has their days, I have days where yes I could have played a bit more or not gotten so upset, but i'm a human, and at the end of the day, if I am doubting myself, it means that I love them so much that every day, I just want to be better for them. That right there, proves that I am doing all right! Maybe even great! My kids are very loved, and they know it, and they think the world of me, so why shouldn't I?

4.

Never stop hugging. 

SIMPLE! I read a quote one day;

"Never release first when hugging a child, you don't know how badly they need it."

That quote really hit me! How often are we rushing them to get in bed or out the door, dressed, whatever the case may be, that we either rush the hug, or don't hug at all?

Too often, thats how much! Since I read that quote, every time I hug my kids, I wait until they let go first. Seems simple but let me tell you this, I see the difference. Some days they give me quick hugs, but some days, they hug me for minutes at a time, maybe they needed that. Haven't you ever wished someone would just hug you, truly hug you, and hold you, silently just hold you tight and simply, hug? I know I have, and I see more and more, that my kids need that too. They can't express their feelings the way that we do, so what better way than just hugging for comfort, and not wanting to let go? So don't let go moms, you'll notice how long the hugs get in rough times, because they need you. 

5.

God's not dead.

Sounds silly, I know, but so true. 

I'm not ashamed to be a believer, and my kids have only made my beliefs that much stronger. Seeing them take their first breath, watching them sleep, first steps, words, everything. Their love for exploration, curiosity, nature, the world. Their pure hearts, beautiful souls, how could God be dead when there is still so much beauty in the world, and children, the most beautiful of all. Like anyone I have my doubts somedays, but the love and purity I see in my children's eyes, reassures me. I have my days where I am angry with God, man, yeah I do. I have days where I wonder if God is real, why would he put me through this? Why would he take people I love away from me? Why would he let my day be so awful if he loves me so much? If God was real, how could the world be so awful?

 But you know what, He's testing me, making me stronger so that I can bring my children to know Him through joys, and through struggles. My kids have God inside them, I see it when they look at me, 

and they've brought God back inside of me.