No such thing as a bad picture!

Bad angle. Oops, cut off his head. Too zoomed in. Snapped a shot while putting my camera away. I just don't like that one. So many reason's as to why a picture could be thrown out, not used, or put in the category of "bad". But have you ever really looked at that photo? The simplicity of the bottom half of that persons face? Maybe put it in black and white and see how simple, yet beautiful that shot really is! So, in this post there will be some "good" pictures, and some purposefully "bad" pictures, in which I found utterly, perfect. 

 

30 Things Your Kids Should Know About You.

I recently read a blog post of 30 things your kids should know about you, at first I pinned it and never even read it, because it was so long (lazy me, right?) then a few days ago I was going through my Pinterest looking for something and I came across it again, and decided to read. And some of the questions really hit me like, hm, I really do hope they know that about me. One of the main reasons it intrigued me, is because of my great grandma (G.G) and my grandpa ken, both of which very close to my heart, and forever missed. Lately, I've been thinking of them both so much, and wishing I had asked more about THEM. I wish I asked about when they were my age, or just anything I didn't know. I mean think about it, family is family, you never think to invest honest time getting to know them the way you do a friend or a relationship candidate. Don't get me wrong, I have AMAZING memories with my GG, along with my grandpa, some of my favorite memories by far, but there's so much I wish I knew about them! And one day, my kids, grand kids, and maybe even great grand kids, (hopefully) feel the same way and wish they had asked as well.  Now they can look back at this list, and maybe get a few of their questions answered, or even just smile at what I write (: So, here it goes!

1) 20 random facts about myself:
• I use to be afraid of lightening and thunder, until I was pregnant with the twins and found it soothing.
• My favorite color is lime green.
• My mom is my friend.
• I'm terrible at history, to this day, I'm awful!
• I love writing poetry, drawing and singing.
• I was a major tom boy growing up.
• I hate feet.
• I can't diet to save my life.
• I believe laughter is the best medicine.
• I don't have many TRUE friends.
• I've always wanted blue eyes.
• I wish I still had my favorite bunny stuffed animal, but a pen exploded on her.
• I use to love Betty Boop.
• I use to collect those creepy porcelain dolls that are in so many horror films.
• Honesty is one of my most important values.
• I love love love chocolate donuts dipped in milk.
• Bacon was sent from heaven to bring more smiles to the world.
• I'm awful at girly stuff, I didn't even learn to curl my own hair until I was like 20.
• I didn't ride in a plane until I was 19.
• I am an awful dancer, but I try!

2) Describe 3 legitimate fears you have, and how they became fears.
• Not being enough. Growing up, I never felt like I was good enough, mainly with my dad. I was just never enough, no matter what I did, good or bad, I was never enough for him. School, never the smartest, family, friends, whatever it was, I always made the effort to have them in my life, but they never made an effort for me which lead me to feel like I wasn't enough for them. And now being a mom, not being a good enough mom for my amazing boys is frightening, they deserve the best and I can only pray that I can deliver that.
• I'm sure this is every mothers fear, but losing any one of my children is probably one of the biggest fears i'll ever have. My kids complete me, they are my world, my strength, my everything. To lose one, whether it be by choice or death, would break me into a million pieces. So they better last longer than I do!!!!
• Lastly, (gotta add one not soo deep and heart wrenching) but suffocation. I don't like being dunked in water, don't like my head being under blankets, can't stand breathing in someone's hot breath, hate the heater being on in the car with the windows up. I can't stand feeling like I'm not breathing fresh air! Don't really know where the fear came from, probably growing up around so many boys playing pranks and dunking me in the lake!

3) Describe your relationship with your spouse.
• He's my best friend in the world. We have our ups and downs, like any relationship, but we work through them and get past them the way a married couple is supposed to. I don't believe in divorce, when you vow to live your life loving and being with that one person, you've made a promise not only to your spouse, but to yourself, and to God. Divorce is such a "common" thing now, but I still refuse to view it as an option. My husband, boy he drives me crazy sometimes, but I love him with all my heart and will love him for all of eternity. Were the perfect mixture between being grown up, and yet so childish (in all the fun ways!) goofing off with him is probably one of my favorite things to do in the world. His arms are filled with this magical feeling that comforts every fear in the world. He is my best friend, and I am blessed to have him. So to describe our relationship, I'd say it's flawed, yet flawless <3

4) List 10 things you would tell your 16 year old self if you could.
• DON'T SMOKE, YOU WILL STRUGGLE WITH THAT HABIT FOR YEARS TO COME!
• Enjoy highschool, stop being so caught up in relationships, that you forget to build forever lasting friendships and memories.
• Going along with the last one, don't throw the word "love" around. It's such a meaningful word, and you don't even truly know what it means yet.
• Stop trying to fit in, you were born to stand out. "Trying this" will make you cool... No it won't! Dress like this to fit in, no it won't it will just make you look like every other person in school.
• If someone wants you to PROVE your love or friendship to them, they aren't your friend and they don't love you.
• Don't let anyone make you feel like you aren't enough.
• Try in school! No, you probably won't use a lot of the things you learn in school, in the real world, but in order to be successful in the real world, and make it somewhere in a successful career, you'll need to have done good in school.
• Do sports! Builds great friendships, keeps you out of a lot of trouble, motivates you to do good in school, AND ITS FUN!
• Learn to play an instrument, one day you're going to have kids, and wish you had something cool like that to teach them!
• Don't have sex. No, I don't regret having my kids by ANY means, but I do wish I waited to get married, then they wouldn't have separate homes and everything else.

5) What are 5 things that make you most happy right now?
• Number one, my family. My kids bring a joy to my life that I never knew was possible.
• Coffee, because to make it through the day with my energetic family, I need my coffee!
• Watching my kids grow! It's amazing how fast they learn and grow, blink and you might miss something adorable or hilarious.
• My husband, he truly is my other half. And he can make me laugh like no one else ever could.
• The future. Looks so bright and excited me to think about everything to come!!!

6) If you could have 3 wishes what would you wish for right now?
• For this 50/50 parenting to be over with. I've officially seen the negative affects it's starting to have on my twins. They need their mom, in a more stable manner. I want their father in their lives as well, of course, just on a more stable basis.
• To own a house in Colorado.
• For one last day with people I love, that left this world too soon.

7) What is your dream job, and why?
• I have 2, but both extremely similar. I want to be a teacher, ceramics preferably. Also, I want to help mentally challenged children. Why? Because I love teaching, I love art, I love kids, and I've worked with mentally challenged children since I was younger, and they light up a room like you've never seen before.

8) What are 3 passions you have?
• Art, whether it's drawing, ceramics, painting, whatever it may be, I love it. Shows my sense of creativity and let's me express something otherwise unseen. And there's something empowering in turning nothing, into something.
• Singing, I may not be good at it, but I truly enjoy it.
• Of course, playing with my children. They make me the happiest I could ever be, hearing just a simple laugh, makes all my troubles fade away as if they weren't present in the first place.

9) List 10 people who have influenced your life, and how.
• My children, duh! I'm supposed to be teaching them how to live, but they're teaching me what life is really about. The love I have for them, is undeniably, unconditional, and complete and utter bliss. They keep me strong. They keep me going. They are my foundation in a crumbling world.
• My mom. She taught me how to be strong. How to look at the bright side. She's my mom and my friend.
• My great grandma, she was the most beautiful person I've ever known. She always knew how to make me laugh, and she was always there for me. She filled my life with so much joy throughout all of my younger years. I wish she was here today. "Best form of birth control, hold an aspirin between your knees, and never let it drop!"
• My husband, he motivates me to be a better person, not at all because he wants me to change, I just want to be the best version of myself, for him.
• My mother and father in law, they are inspiring in so many ways. So beautiful inside and out, so humble and kind. They accepted me, a broken mess, into their loving family with open arms, and have treated me as family ever since. They always have my back, and they truly show me what humble means. They are the sweetest, most kind, tender hearted people I ever have, and probably ever will meet. Not to mention, their marriage itself is inspiring. Just being in the room with them, you feel the strong foundation they have between them, so many years, yet still so in love. They truly are amazing.
• My best friend randy, always there for me in so many ways. I could thank him every second of every day for the rest of my life for everything he's done for me, and that STILL wouldn't be enough. He's the best papa in the world to my kids, and the best friend I could ever imagine having. BFFFL.
• My grandpa ken. Best grandpa in the whole world. Always so funny, so many amazing memories, i'd give anything to spend another day with him.
• My brother, I can't say enough about him. But 90% of my strength, came from him (both physical strength from fighting, and emotional) he always reminded me of the kind of man I deserved, and he'd protect me from the ones that didn't deserve me at all. I can't thank him enough for growing up with me, and being one of my best friends. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for him. He's saved me life countless times.
• My oldest brother, strange considering the last time a saw him was when I was in 5th grade. He's been in and out of jails and prisons my whole life. I still love him very much, and he's always inspired me to have the life he chose not to. Watching his troubles, his constant fight with right and wrong, really inspired me to take the right route, and stay out of trouble.
• Kalah, she was my childhood best friend, we lost touch over the years, but in my heart she will always be my sister. She is in every childhood and high school memory I have, I wouldn't be who I am if not for growing up with such a beautiful best friend, and sister at heart.

10) Describe your most embarrassing moment.
• Oh boy, well, it was in 7th grade. I had this habit of holding my pee until I was in the "mood" to pee. Well, my best friend Ayana made a bet with me and wanted to see how long I could go holding my pee (healthy right?). So, I was on almost 3 days I believe. Well, we went to the mall and saw two"hotties". So like any non stalker person would do, we start following them, hoping to gain the courage to say something. Well at some point we were going down the escalator and they were going up right next to us so we start running up the down escalator and race over to this little bench with the intention to sit and act like we've been sitting there forever (implying we haven't been creepily following these boys). While running, Ayana slipped, on nothing might I add, and I don't mean just slipped and fell I mean cartoon style slipping on a banana peel epic slip-fall. Like any good friend, I start busting out laughing. We both are laughing so hard were crying, couldn't breathe at all!!!! Finally, we calm down and stop laughing, after at least 10-15 minutes full of laughter. She put her hand out to help me up, and I say no. She asks why and all I do is open my legs a little, and she sees how SOAKED my pants were. Yes, I peed, and I don't mean I just leaked a little bit of pee, I mean a giant puddle of pee is surrounding me! Of course, we laugh some more, for quite a while. Can't get any worse right? Well it does... We have to get down to her sisters chocolate shop where she worked, and I obviously couldn't just walk around. So Ayana being the amazing friend she was, goes up to this lonely old lady holding a sweatshirt and says I started my period, if she could just let us borrow her sweatshirt to wrap around me and walk to the store downstairs would be great. Of course she agrees, great right? No, the woman adds that we just have to wait on her family coming behind her. So were like okay no big, probably just like 1 or 2 people. Wrong again, family of at least 12, a crowd! All of them escorting me downstairs while my bottom half is wrapped in a pink knitted (probably knitted it herself) sweater. Even worse, Ayana's sister couldn't stop laughing at me!!!! By far the most embarrassing thing I've see experienced!

11) Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
• Well I guess some of these will be considered OCD's but they're a pet peeve if not done right. Like I have to have the radio volume on intervals of 5 (if it shows numbers).
• When people say the word retarded... Makes me want to punch them in the face.
• Chewing with your mouth open, or even worse, talking with food in your mouth. If someone asks you a question and you have food in your mouth, at least cover your mouth a little as you answer.
• Similar to the last, but when people chomp on their gum like a cow.
• Disrespectful people, and especially women that don't respect themselves.
• I really, strongly dislike when people ask me if the boys are twins..... Like, no of course not this one is 3 and this is my newborn they just HAPPEN to be in the same clothes and be the same size, but no not twins. Or, no I found this one dressed JUST like my boy in the parking lot, same eyes and all, and thought, hmph, why not, i'll just take him!? Come on!!!!!
• When people, other than children and babies, touch me with their feet. UGH!
• When people cuss in front of elders or children.
• Too much PDA. We've all been around, or at least witnessed that couple, the one that can't stop sucking face, I mean more power to ya but come on I'm walking with my children who repeat everything they hear and see, and I really don't need them making out with some girl on the playground. (Well, actually I don't know if I'll EVER allow them to make out!)
• When I get dirty looks for being a young, tattooed mom. Watch me for a day, if I'm good at anything, it's being a mom.
• Lastly, hearing sounds and NOT KNOWING WHERE THEY'RE COMING FROM!

12) Describe a typical day in your current life.
• Well my current life is pretty hectic, wake up around 6:45, 7:30 at the latest, change Tristan's diaper, walk all the boys downstairs. Make breakfast, and a bottle. Feed all the kids. After that we do about 45 minutes of learning time where I draw shapes and such on our white board and they tell me which ones which, trace their abc's and names. When were done with the white board we do the pledge, sing our songs such as flitter flutter butterfly, 3 little monkeys, the itsy bitsy spider, our days of the week song, abc's and wheels on the bus. After that we read 2 or 3 books together. When learning time is over, we play! Some days we build a fort (our base) in the kitchen and have a Nerf war, sometimes we snuggle up and watch a movie, army men, dinosaurs, robots, whatever they want to play, we play! Then Tristan crawls around and I play with him while I turn the tv off and the boys play together. After playing I make lunch, and a bottle. Feed them all while hopefully remembering to feed myself! We have great table conversations, hilarious most of the time! Then it's nap time, normally they all nap at the same time and when they do, depending on how I slept the night before I either nap as well, or clean the whole house (just for it to be messed up 10 minutes after they all wake up!) After nap we have snack, I try and keep snack time as healthy as possible, never chips or junk food, always fruits or veggies and a nutrigrane bar. After nap, if it's warm we go outside and play! Lay out a blanket for Tristan to crawl around on as the boys run around and burn off energy, always a good time! Then my husband normally comes home and we go inside, he runs around and chases them and such while I get stuff ready to make dinner. Then we all sit at the table, say prayer and eat! Sometimes it's like pulling teeth getting the boys to eat, but other days it's easy! After dinner we give all the boys a bath! After that we all normally watch a movie in the boys room and watch Tristan crawl around, I love when they boys cheer him on and stuff, so adorable. Then we get Tristan down for bed, about 30 minutes after that the boys go down (after LOTS of kisses!) then my husband and I clean, and finally sit down and either watch a movie or some shows and talk, maybe a glass of wine, and just enjoy each other's company! Then we go to sleep and start over the next day!!!

13) Whats the hardest part about growing up?
• Oh boy, I don't know! I've always been really mature for my age and grew up very fast! I think the hardest part would be budgeting! Life is expensive and there's so many bills that need paid and it's hard to keep up with it all, especially when there's expenses and things you WANT but have to spend your money on the NEEDS instead. Also, responsibility, one word that would sum up a huge part of growing up! Especially with children, now I'm not only responsible for myself, but my family!!! That's a lot to take on!

14) Describe 5 weaknesses and strengths you have.
• Weaknesses : Being too down on myself. I don't let things go easily. I stress too much. I analyze situations too deeply. I trust too easily.
• Strengths : I am very patient, I am kind, I am trustworthy, nurturing, and I care for others.

15) Describe how you knew your spouse was the one, and how you fell in love.
• Well, we knew each other in highschool, not going to lie I had a HUGE crush on him, how could I not, he was so attractive! We never dated though. Once I grew up a lot after having the boys, and he grew up a lot after boot camp, we got along so well, always could make each other laugh, and he cared for the boys and didn't view them as baggage, but as a blessing. I'd say that's when I knew, when he would admire the way I would glow when talking about them, as he'd glow just listening and cared for me all the same even with children not biologically his, and loved them. Then I picked him up at the airport on thanksgiving 2010, (got my first ticket on the way there, guess you could say I was super excited) got there, kissed him, butterflies, all the cliche things that I never even believed existed, I felt. He proposed that day, I said yes, and that was it. We've had our trials but we always get through. He's my best friend, and my soulmate (:

16) Whats your 3 greatest accomplishments?
• In no order, one would be graduating high school. Yeah doesn't sound like much, but the things I went through throughout highschool, then dropping out my junior year, then deciding to go back to school my senior year, then got pregnant at the beginning and went through my senior year pregnant (huge might I add). Not only pregnant, but I was going to school everyday, working full time at a daycare, and going to all of my appts alone. The boys father played zero part in my pregnancy and only stepped up to the plate at the very end. I did it all alone, and, WITH TWINS. Even in the middle of the year, I got kicked out, and still managed to do okay and finish school and graduate the year I was supposed to. So to many, a diploma is the least of their "accomplishments," but it's a big one for me.
• Choosing to be a mom. I was 18 years old, and like I said, alone, working, and going to school. I could've easily gotten an abortion, or chose adoption. But abortion, was not even the slightest option in my mind, and adoption, no. I knew no one would ever love these babies the way I would, and I knew no matter what, I would give them the most love, and best life I possibly could, and one day they'll love me for it. I may not have been planning on having kids at the time, but I CHOSE to keep them, and I'm so glad I did. I CHOSE to be a mom, and everyday I choose to get better at doing so.
• Leaving Colorado, again doesn't sound like much, but that was a huge step for me. That was my home, that's where my family and friends were, that's the place I KNEW, and I chose to come to California with my husband and children, and I'm thankful I did. I've grown so much in the time I've spent here.

17) What is the thing you most wish you were good at?
• Music, sounds funny, but I would love to be able to teach my kids to play guitar or piano, and instill such a beautiful passion in them from the start.

18) What do you think your spouse loves most about you?
• I would have to say, my mothering. He loves how great of a mom I am to our kids!

19) How did you feel the moment you became a parent?
• Complete. I felt like when they took their first breaths, so did I. My life just started, I was now alive. So in a few words, I'd say I felt complete, alive, perfect.

20) Describe 3 of your favorite memories from your childhood.
• Times with my GG. She really was such an amazing person I can't say it enough. I remember when we use to have our girls night, her, my mom, grandma and I would dress in my GGs silk night gowns, drink root beer floats or have homemade pudding in these cool glasses, watch wheel of fortune and jeopardy all while doing scratch off tickets. Some of my favorite memories from my childhood, would be those nights, those simple nights.
• Times with my grandpa ken! We'd do crossword puzzles, he'd make me do it in pencil cause obviously I wasn't going to get them right! My grandma would give me and my cousins a bath, paint our toes and fingers red, then we'd all hang out with grandpa. Cross words, ice cream, and laying my head on his belly pillow. Perfect nights.
• Me and my brother, I can't even pick a specific memory with him as a favorite, I have so many. We had our ups and downs like any siblings, fought, A LOT, but no matter what, when I needed him, he was there. He was my best friend, and always will be. No bond like siblings!

21) Describe your relationship with your parents.
• Well, my mom and I are extremely close, she's my friend, and my mom. I talk to her almost every single day, text her regularly, laugh a lot, cry some, no matter how far apart she is, we stay close. I love my mom!!!! My dad and I, we have had a very rocky relationship. I still find myself just wishing I could be daddy's little princess, but I never will be. I still love him, he's my dad, we don't talk often, but only because it still is hard for me, and I don't like admitting that I'm still really hurting. But he's my dad, and I love him always.

22) Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
• Oh boy! I see a lot changing in the next 5 years! The boys will be almost 9 years old, and Tristan will be almost 6! Which means all of them will be in school! I hope to be living in Colorado, in our own home, Zak with a job he enjoys, and me starting school. I plan on staying an at home mom until all my kids are in school, once they are, I plan on going to school, maybe work in a daycare while going to school in order to be a teacher some day. If not school, then working at a daycare, and doing some volunteering whether it's in hospitals, churches, whatever the case may be, I want to help people, with nothing but smiles in return!

23) Whats your favorite holiday and why?
• Easy, CHRISTMAS! Not for the reason you'd think, I really don't care about presents. But I do care about family, and Christmas, brings so many people together. The holiday spirit, seeing people jolly that are usually grouches, seeing families come together, seeing people give to others no longer worried about what they get in return, seeing the love just spread like wild fire, all so beautiful to me! Also, my family, Christmas means something so much different, and means so much more once you have kids. Creating our own family traditions, watching my kids drink hot cocoa, or light up when the come downstairs Christmas morning, is so heart warming. I love Christmas time!

24) Whats your favorite and least favorite thing about parenthood?
• Least favorite would have to be when things come up, that I can't fix for my kids. Like when they're sick, I want nothing more than to take it all away, but can't. One day they'll get their heart broken, and in that, mine will break to because I can't take the pain away! (Could kill her though..hmmm) I can't protect them from every cold, every ache and pain, every owwie, but I sure wish I could.
• My favorite so far, would have to be the way they open my eyes. I never noticed how beautiful the world was until they showed me. Not only in the fact they showed me I could feel a love I never knew existed, but the beauty in the world itself. "Look at that big tree! Look at the sun! Look at that cool truck! Look baby Tristan is crawling! Mommy mommy mommy look at that stick! Whats that it's so pretty? Oh yummy that tastes so good! This is so much fun!"  So many things they find wonderful, some in which I was taking for granted, or never even noticed, and they find this sense of wonder and beauty in the smallest things, and it makes me open my eyes and realize how beautiful these little things, truly are. The world through a child's eyes, is a whole new, beautiful world.

25) If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be, and what would you eat?
• I would choose Jesus, and we would eat crab, steak, rolls and have some red wine.

26) What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
• Trying to take Americans guns rights away.

27) What is your favorite part of your body, and why?
• I don't know if it's considered a part of my body, as in a body part, but my tattoos would have to be my favorite. Not because they look cool, but they give you a sense of who I am, and my creativity. Your body is a temple, and I like to decorate the walls with what means most to me. I'm not the normal person that just thinks, oh that's cute I'll get it tattooed on me! Every single tattoo on my body, means something to me, and says and shows things that mean the most to me. Family. Friendship. Trials. Nature. Marriage. All of which, make me who I am today. My tattoos are a small insight to my soul, my innermost being, who I am and what means the most to me.

28) Whats your favorite quality in your spouse?
• There's so many things I love about my husband, but if I had to pick one quality that I want my kids to know that he had, it would be his work ethic. He is such a hard worker, at work and at home. At work he is constantly noticed and recognized for what a hard and dedicated worker he is and I admire that about him. But he also works hard at home, he always makes a point to help me around the house no matter how hard his day at work was. He constantly helps me clean, making dinner, with the kids, whatever it may be, he helps. He works even harder insuring our kids know how much he loves them. Reminding them, playing with them, in every aspect, he tries to insure to make them feel loved. An amazing quality to say the least.

29) What is your biggest insecurity about your body, and why?
• I would have to say my teeth. I don't like smiling with my teeth showing, and if I do in a picture, I only like it at a certain angle because of my crooked front teeth. I don't say it often or tell many people but I'm very embarrassed of my teeth.

30) List 10 things you hope to be remembered for.
• Being a good mom. If anyone remembers anything about me, I hope it's how hard I tried to be the best mom I possibly could, and how much I loved all of my children.
• My honestly. I try very hard to insure that I am always a very honest person to everyone in my life.
• My kind heart, I hope people remember my love of helping others, and trying to make a difference in people's lives.
• My sense of humor. Laughter is amazing, and I love being the reason for people's laughter, and I hope people remember that.
• My beliefs, I believe in heaven, and in God, and when I'm gone, I hope people always remember that I am in a better place now watching over them, and finding joy in their smiles.
• My creativity, I hope I brought some color into people's lives and they found a sense of wonder and imagination within me.
• I hope I'm remembered for being accepting. I do my very best never to judge others and I pray people know that.
• I also hope I'm remembered for being a great wife. I love my husband so very much, and I hope the people I surround myself with, know how much I love my man!
• My advice. I love giving people advice and so many people come to me for advice and I hope they all know how much I loved helping them through their issues, and I hope I gave advice that they brought with them throughout their lives.
• Lastly, I hope I'm remembered for being an all around good person. I really do try to be a better person everyday and I would like people to see me as so.