5 Things I've Learned Since Becoming a Mom.

I've learned a countless amount of things since becoming a mom, 

this post isn't about how many scoops of formula with how much milk, or what to feed or not feed children, it's about what I've learned about MYSELF since becoming a mother.

1.

I am beautiful, exactly the way I am. 

(Talking physical, not inner beauty, that's a whole other story!)

Growing up, I thought others defined my beauty, if everyone told me that I was ugly, I must've be ugly. If I was told I looked pretty, I would specifically try whatever I did different (hair style, makeup, outfit) more often in hopes to be "beautiful" more often. It was sad really, especially with boys, I thought my beauty was defined by how many boys had crushes on mebut in reality, that had nothing to do with my beauty, and no one else's words, defined my beauty. Once I had the twins, my self confidence lowered even more. I had stretch marks all over, my flat tummy was a wrinkly blob, my breasts that use to be plump and full, now were more like half empty water balloons, (after breast feeding that is.) I felt disgusting, I wouldn't trade my boys to have my "beauty" back, but I really did not feel beautiful at all. Then I got pregnant with Tristan, and as awful as my pregnancy was, (throwing up all the time, and so much more!) I found it so beautiful to be pregnant, and my twins would even call me beautiful when I was in my biggest form, ready to POP! I had my days though, like everyone, where I just felt huge and gross and wondered why I do this to myself! Then I had Tristan, and my self confidence lowered again, even more wrinkle lines on my stomach, and I didn't bounce back as easy as I had with the boys. I felt so grossed out with myself, so I decided to change it, I worked out like crazy, went on a strict diet, took all the vitamins and such as I possibly could! (healthy ones of course.) I finally got to my goal weight, and realized that it didn't help, I still felt gross. Then one day when I was sick, greasy hair, baggy eyes, gross clothes, just all around SICK, the boys woke up and walked into my room, and instantly looked at me in awe and said, "Wow, you look beautiful mommy!" What?! Gross! Then a few weeks after that, I was in my bathing suit and my son Aiden looked at my stretch marks and said, "Baby Tristan use to be in there mommy!" I looked down and thought, yeah, he was, and I look over to see that 'baby' crawling around, laughing and babbling. Those marks, what I saw as flaws, are the only thing (besides pictures of course) I have as a physical reminder, that I have of my pregnancy with my beautiful baby boys! Then it hit me, I AM beautiful, flaws and all.  If my kids, who we all know how honest kids are, and so pure, call me beautiful at my worst, I've gotta be right? Then I started looking inside, and realized you know what, I AM beautiful, flaws and all, I AM BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY I AM.

   

2.

It's okay to be a kid!

What do kids love doing? 

Playing. Goofing off. Coloring. Laughing. Swinging.

So because we're parents are we supposed to NOT do those things?

I see so many parents that try so hard to "look" like a grown up because they're a parent, that don't see that they're missing out on the BEST part of being a parent. BEING A KID AGAIN. 

When I first had them, I thought I was going to have to be an "adult" all the time, and in a sense, I am, but then again, I am such a kid! I roll down hills in the grass with my kids, I color, I make goofy faces, I tickle, wrestle, laugh, I get a deep voice and pretend i'm Optimus prime, leader of the auto bots! And you know what, people on the outside might think I am an "immature mom" but you know what? When my kids grow up, they're going to know how fun I was, how loving, how silly, how much fun they had with me on the days I left the dishes in the sink, put a blanket over me and pretended to be a monster chasing them around and playing. I'm okay with being a kid with my kids, because when it's needed, I'm as adult as any, but when it matters, i'm also a kid.

3.

I'm doing a good job. 

It's only natural to doubt yourself, we all do it, and i've found with being a mom, I doubt myself daily. Was I too rough on them today? Should I have been a little more laid back? Do they know that I love them? Did I play enough with them today? Have I made them happy today the way they have made me happy? The answer is YES! Everyday, yes! 

Every night, I go to tuck my kids in, they smother me with love and kisses, and it answers all of my questions simply, YES! Everybody has their days, I have days where yes I could have played a bit more or not gotten so upset, but i'm a human, and at the end of the day, if I am doubting myself, it means that I love them so much that every day, I just want to be better for them. That right there, proves that I am doing all right! Maybe even great! My kids are very loved, and they know it, and they think the world of me, so why shouldn't I?

4.

Never stop hugging. 

SIMPLE! I read a quote one day;

"Never release first when hugging a child, you don't know how badly they need it."

That quote really hit me! How often are we rushing them to get in bed or out the door, dressed, whatever the case may be, that we either rush the hug, or don't hug at all?

Too often, thats how much! Since I read that quote, every time I hug my kids, I wait until they let go first. Seems simple but let me tell you this, I see the difference. Some days they give me quick hugs, but some days, they hug me for minutes at a time, maybe they needed that. Haven't you ever wished someone would just hug you, truly hug you, and hold you, silently just hold you tight and simply, hug? I know I have, and I see more and more, that my kids need that too. They can't express their feelings the way that we do, so what better way than just hugging for comfort, and not wanting to let go? So don't let go moms, you'll notice how long the hugs get in rough times, because they need you. 

5.

God's not dead.

Sounds silly, I know, but so true. 

I'm not ashamed to be a believer, and my kids have only made my beliefs that much stronger. Seeing them take their first breath, watching them sleep, first steps, words, everything. Their love for exploration, curiosity, nature, the world. Their pure hearts, beautiful souls, how could God be dead when there is still so much beauty in the world, and children, the most beautiful of all. Like anyone I have my doubts somedays, but the love and purity I see in my children's eyes, reassures me. I have my days where I am angry with God, man, yeah I do. I have days where I wonder if God is real, why would he put me through this? Why would he take people I love away from me? Why would he let my day be so awful if he loves me so much? If God was real, how could the world be so awful?

 But you know what, He's testing me, making me stronger so that I can bring my children to know Him through joys, and through struggles. My kids have God inside them, I see it when they look at me, 

and they've brought God back inside of me. 

Tattoo.Tuesday.

Well, it's Tuesday, and I love my tattoos, so, for my post of the day I am going to go into detail of each and every one of my tattoos, when I got them, and what they mean to me!

The first tattoo I ever got, was my stars, I got them when I was 17 years old and a junior in high school.  All through middle school and high school I was teased, even when I was in the "popular" group, I was teased and made fun of all the time. One reason being my family and I weren't "rich" like a lot of my friends. Now i'm not saying we were poor or anything while I was going through school, but compared to a lot of the other kids, we weren't as wealthy. So I would get teased when my family couldn't afford to go on trips, or pay for me to go places with my friends, things like that. I was also teased for being so strong. Growing up I had two brothers, one was in prison most all of my life, but the other was a huge part of my life. Up until I was about fifteen or sixteen, we didn't get along. As a matter of fact, he use to beat the crap out of me. So one day, I decided that wasn't going to happen anymore, I stated lifting weights and working out, and became even stronger than my big brother. Lets just say, he didn't mess with me anymore. We ended up being best friends, and i'm thankful he used to beat up on me because if he hadn't, I wouldn't be as strong as I am. That didn't matter at school though, all that mattered was the fact I could beat guys in arm wrestling and do one armed push ups, in which everyone would tease me for. (Its funny to me that "fit chicks" are now the new 'sexy' thing.) So growing up, and getting teased and belittled all the time, one thing would always comfort me, the stars. Why you might ask? Because all the "rich" kids and the girly girls, the populars, the beautiful ones, all of them have at least 1 thing in common with me, when they look up at night, they're looking at the exact same sky as I am, and wishing on the same star.

My second tattoo was the music note behind my ear. "Typical" maybe, but I love it. My old best friend, sister even, from elementary school and I got it together when I was 18. I had met her when I accidentally walked into her choir class, she was a few grades above me. Eventually she started dating my brother for a while, so I saw a lot more of her. One day on the bus she sat by me and asked me what I was listening to, Eminem "The Real Slim Shady," duh!!! Instantly best friends from there on out. That music note represents how I met one of the most important people in my past. Granted we had a falling out a few years ago, that tattoo still means the world to me. People always say not to get tattoos with someone because what if you stop being friends, well we did and I can tell you this, our lack of being close, does not make the meaning of my past, memories, or the meaning of my tattoo fade even in the slightest. That tattoo is a reminder of one of the most beautiful, gracious, humble people I will ever know in my life.

My third tattoo is the tribal symbol on my neck that represents "strength." I got that one with my mom's best friend when I was 18, who became my friend. Another falling out, but still means the world to me, and reminds me of the good memories we did share together.

My fourth tattoo was the roses on my right calf, which I got for my nineteenth birthday, right after I gave birth to my twins. So many meanings behind this one! One being that my middle name is Rose, of course. Two being that my mom use to sing the song "The Rose" by Bette Midler to me, up until I was in my teen years. It's a beautiful song that means the world to me, and to this day, brings such comfort and love into my heart. Lastly, every rose has it's thorns, right? So do I, I have my flaws, quirks, bad days and grouchy attitude, but if you take the risk, you'll see how beautiful I am on the inside once you get past my guard.

Next, would be my wedding vows on my left forearm I got when I was nineteen. My husband has "I promise with everything I am, and everything I will be... (and I have) ... to love you with all of my heart, forever and always." These are part of our wedding vows that my husband wrote, and the second I heard them, I knew I wanted to re read them every day for the rest of my life. What better way to do that than to have them on my body, and take those vows to my grave.

My sixth tattoo is my anchor and heart with wings on my left foot, also when I was nineteen. I got this one with my mom, right before I moved to California to start my life with my husband and children. The meaning behind this one is simple, she has an anchor tied to a heart, because the Navy (my husband being in the navy) stole her heart (me) away. I have an anchor with a heart and wings, because the Navy gave me the wings to escape, and soar away (from some very bad situations I was stuck in while in Colorado.)

Next, my seventh tattoo would be the tree on my right arm that I got when I was 20. It represents family. If you look closely, you can see the changing of the seasons in the leaves, representing all of the life changes, struggles, joys and heart breaks that will come through life in my family, but we (the tree) will stay intact and strong. No matter what changes come fourth, we are a family, and we will not fail.

My eighth tattoo is my dream catcher on my left arm that I got when I was 22. I actually drew it myself, and it has all three of my boys' names and birth dates on the hanging feathers. The meaning behind this is that like a dream catchers take away bad dreams, my children take away the bad in my life. No matter what I am going through or feeling, they can make me so happy and hopeful. Without them in my life, my world would be dark and filled with nightmares. Also, I chose a Indian theme for my left arm being 1 because I am part indian, and 2 being that my G.G (great grandmother) was obsessed with Indians. She was a huge part of my childhood and my life, and not a day goes by that I don't think of her, and miss her dearly. I haven't found the perfect tattoo to get in remembrance of her yet, but the theme I have chosen, is dedicated to her and her love for indians. (Gosh I miss all of her Indian decorations, and her humor, her smile...)

My ninth tattoo was the AR15 on the back side of my right forearm, also 22 years old. Not only is that the specific gun my husband is building for me, but I got this tattoo with my wonderful best friend. Her and I went through my pregnancy with Tristan, and hers with Emberlynn together. The lyrics we chose were "Little bit of devil in those angel eyes, little bit of heaven with a wild side," NAME THAT SONG :) The meaning not only is for our friendship, and love for each other, the fact we would protect each other no matter what, but also shows a bit of our quirky friendship, and country souls! I'm her glass of wine, she's my shot of whiskey. <3

Next would be tattoo number ten, my thigh tattoo. A worn out ship with big waves and the quote, "A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor." Pretty self explanatory, but i'll spill any ways. I've been through a lot in my life, many trials and struggles, but without them, I wouldn't be who I am today, I wouldn't be as wise, mature, or able to advise people positively. My rough seas, made a strong sailor.

Number eleven, the arrow on my left back forearm. Going along with my Indian theme, the meaning is that you must pull an arrow backwards, in order to launch it foreword, just like in life, everything thats pulled me back, is just fuel to launch me further.

Lastly, tattoo twelve, a wolf, for strength and leadership, the leader of the pack (my family). On the bottom of the wolf, there is the pikes peak skyline, home, Colorado.

I intend on getting many more tattoos, all of which will mean something deeply to me, and define a little more of who I am. I will never be the girl who goes, "Oh thats cute, i'll get it tattooed!" Every tattoo I ever get will be thought through, and mean something deep to me, and be a little piece of who I am inside, and what matters most in my life. My tattoos do not make me less of a person, a slacker, or a mediocre mother, they are just bits of my soul on my skin for the world too see.

Exploring California.

All moms know how expensive it can get taking kids out, anywhere. I mean come on, a day at lego land for a family of five can reach over $1,000 if you include gas, food, toys, souvenirs, and of course, the tickets. That can be so pricey for one day of enjoyment with your family. Even just going simple and just going to dinner and a movie can get into the hundreds! Memories made, yes, pocket broken, for us at least, definitely. And I don't know about other at home moms, but I sure get a bit stir crazy being in the house all the time, and so do my children. By the end of the week, day even, we are all SO ready to get out of the house it's not even funny!
But sometimes, money just wont support our "need to go out" status. So one day, the boys and I were going a bit crazy, needed to get out. So, my husband and I loaded everyone up, packed peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and snacks for everyone, and started driving. We came across a beautiful little pond with ducks in it, and nature all around.
We pulled over, got everyone out, and had a picnic. It was wonderful. We all laughed, played, enjoyed each others company, told stories, jokes, and had a wonderful time. We bonded, the way we never could at a movie, or amusement park. We just, adventured, as a family. That's what started our adventure time weekends.
Then, we realized not only how much fun we have, but that we've never really tried to see what all California has to offer. The beach, yeah of course, but there are so many other beautiful places here to venture to that we had yet to try! Considering we will be moving back home to Colorado at the end of this year, we decided to start making the most of California in our remaining time here as a family, and adventure, explore, and enjoy being around each other in these beautiful places.
All in all, we have been exploring California and it's wonders weekly, and intend on continuing our adventures until the day we drive home. So, I would like to share our beautiful nature findings with anyone interested in looking, or even better, looking to explore California the way we have decided to!

First, Guajome County Park in Oceanside California! Camping offered, fishing, perfect biking and walking paths and trails to explore, and of course, hungry ducks ready to eat the bread you throw out for them! Great place to take the kids, short easy hikes, flat surface not loose rocks or anything like that. Heres some images from our Guajome adventure:

Next, is Carbon Canyon Regional Park in Brea California. Some of the only redwoods in Southern California are here at this park, but if you're looking for the "lake" that you find in pictures on google, you wont find it here, it's all dried up. I was very disappointed at first, for one, that there wasn't a lake, and it was VERY hot out, barely any shade while we were walking to find the redwoods, and at first I was convinced there wasn't even going to be redwoods! Then we came around this bend, and boom, (small) but beautiful red woods. There was barely any people there which was nice, and LOADS of shade throughout the mini forest! Also, with the sprinkler's running made a perfect cool down session for my kids. They ran through them for hours, and if they got chilly, they'd stand in the sun for a few minutes (didn't take long) and get all warmed up, then back in the water. Was small, but still so beautiful and enjoyable. 

Thirdly, is Carlsbad park, not sure of the exact name, we just saw a cool tree and decided to stop! Other than the tree, and a view, there is nothing worth going for. It's a very small patch of grass, a tree, table, view, and tons of very busy streets surrounding it, (not what I prefer on my adventures) but I am obsessed with trees, so I had to!

My favorite, ever, is Big Falls in Forest Falls California. By far one of the most beautiful spots I have ever been! This place is a must see, that is for sure! Not AS kid friendly as the other places we have gone, but very doable with some effort, and possibly a few deep breaths from the mommy (my boys scare me sometimes, BE CAREFUL DARNIT!) But in all reality, I will never forget the day we went up to big falls, and it will always be one of my favorite memories.

Oh, and by the way, the water is FREEZING, but it was hot enough that you warm up fast, and if you just keep your feet in and don't go all in (like me) then you wont even get chilly!

Obviously, the beach! We haven't been to many different beaches, I personally don't like oceanside beach, Carlsbad is nice, my favorite is the beach here on Camp Pendleton, Del Mar beach, very clean and beautiful I think. That is where all of the following pictures were taken! (I'm assuming beaches up north are beautiful as well, but we mainly stay here for beach days.) 

So many more adventures to come, so expect more posts about places to see in the beautiful California. Also, if you ever make it down to Oceanside there are two places you MUST go. One, is Hello Betty's. Great food, yummy drinks, GET THE BANANA FOSTER, awesome interior and atmosphere, and a GORGEOUS view.

Also, a must try, is JR's shaved ice, can't tell you exactly where, but type it into maps in Oceanside and you'll find it, it's right next to a 7/11 here in Oceanside, and it's FANTASTIC!